Bear is at that point in her life where I feel like I spend every 5 minutes telling her to focus. But then there is that TV flickering or something shiny or THEN she remembers those teeth I told her to brush 6 hours ago. There was an incident the other day where she was getting dressed. Really it shouldn’t take that long but I turned around and there she was with underwear on backwards and inside out and in the middle of dressing something caught her eye in a book and the rest of the clothes are no longer important.
Dude…doesn’t that feel weird? She glances down, shrugs her shoulders at me and proceeds to read. I’m left standing there wondering where her brains are.
In the past two days I have been left wondering where the hell my OWN brains are. I have had a hell of a time making it out the door to get to work. I have made it all the way into my truck before I notice I still have on my slippers then return for my goloshes only to realize once I got to work- forgot my heels. Thank God I didn’t have a meeting that day. Everyone kept asking me where my Ark was. Screw you. If you see Noah and he is hot- send him my way.
This morning? Well this morning I ran around, after I overslept, only to get a few miles down the road and see that my purse did not accompany me out the door. Why the hell it didn’t scream “Hey Wait” when I walked out with everything else, I have no idea. Needless to say I was late for work.
As if the world was not putting me into enough of a tail spin the past few days I go into the bathroom at work this morning, look down at myself and realized something wasn’t right. My adorable black thong didn’t look right….because it was inside out. I’m walking around with my VS tag on the outside. I get no one can see it but I KNOW. So much for MY focus. This is enough to screw up my whole day. My underwear is inside out…what if a hot cop pulls me over at lunch and wants to have crazy sex? How stupid do I look…yes, I shaved my legs this morning and my downtown train station was taken care of last week but I look like a moron because that’s my sexy wear….inside out. The only reason it isn’t backwards? Well, because that feels funny in a thong. Although after this realization it FELT inside out and wrong the rest of the day. Sure, I could have gone in the bathroom, taken off my shoes and actually pulled off clothing and rearrange it all the correct way but THAT seemed ackward. Sex on the bosses desk….not ackward….turning my underwear right side around….ackward.
I was never so happy to come home tonight and strip down my clothes as I walked down the hallway. I grabbed a new pair of underwear, pulled them on and went to grab a sweatshirt. I made it about 5 feet before I realized that I was both inside out and backwards. Butt in the front with the tag staring up at me from the outside. I was embarrassed for myself. Rock on. Apparently there is something in the air. I decided to just go without underwear for the night, focus while getting dressed tomorrow, and not yell at Bear while she is dressing. And oh yea, I had a date tonight…..
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