Today, as well as the last two weeks, I have been in a real mood to bitch and complain about every last thing. I have managed, thus far, to steer clear of writing a scathing blog post everyday…but I’ve also managed to roll all these frustrations into one big gnarly, dirty, pissed-on snowball that is festering and eating at my soul. So in an effort to relieve myself of these angers, here is my post…the molten gob of evil I have kept to myself for the last two weeks.
Nobody at any company that I owe money gives one forty-eighth of a shit about how the SM and I haven’t had the money over the last six months to send to them. I went to get my car registered with my first “real” paycheck and they wouldn’t give it to me because I didn’t have some power of attorney from my leinholder. When I called the leinholder, I was told because I was behind on my car payments, they would not write me a power of attorney. So now, after saving up to pay my property taxes of $164, I am still riding dirty with expired tags until I can pay two more months of back car notes. I lost my mind on the phone, crying and complaining about how we’re doing the best we can to get the payments there now..and before this last stint of a few months, I never had one late payment for the 2.5 years I have had my car. The lady on the phone said she’d have to talk to her superior and call me back with my options.
I haven’t heard a thing. Still ridin’ dirty.
I missed half a day of work because of all the paperwork I didn’t bring to the DMV that was not listed on the “getting your registration in SC” website, and talking to Snatchy McRudigan on the phone about paperwork they will not give me.
Maybe I’ll call them back 8-10 times a day like they do me when I miss a payment, despite telling them EVERY time to note my account that I am not able to make the payments. Maybe I’ll be excessively uppity like they are when they call me, with an atrocious attitude to strike fear into them for not calling me back.
I also hate companies that refuse to accept my cancellation of their services and call me everyday, several times, to get my new debit card number for the automatic debit (after I cut mine up after being charged incessantly despite my cancellation letter). Peak Fitness/ABC Financial and all of the people associated with them are pigs and annoying and evidently 100% completely brainless. On top of getting the calls regarding my cancellation from May on when I left Charlotte, I get calls once a month from a new trainer at my old gym location asking if I’d like to come in and work out, because they saw my personal training contract was still valid. WHAT PLANET AM I ON?!
It frustrates me when things happen within the context of one’s relationships that one person believes shouldn’t be discussed outside the relationship. Everyone has their comfort levels and mistakes happen. For example, the SM doesn’t like me talking about our financial situation with anyone beyond him. But when my struggles and freakouts and meltdowns due to our financial situation get to people who I didn’t really care about knowing (outside family and friends and coworkers), that’s not fair either. Maybe I am a little nutso, PMSing or whatever…but when those times happen, I really make an effort to not involve any more people than necessary. In fact, I’d be happy if I didn’t have to interact with anyone when I’m truly at my wit’s end, but I gotta make a living, right? Lord knows, I don’t filter much…but if you want me to, you get to, too. It’s just the idea of mutual respect.
Speaking of mutual respect, I think any double standards people have with each other are a crock. Don’t complain about me not returning your call if you don’t return mine. You’re allowed to be frustrated but I’m not? You yell…but I cry. I can’t spend superfluously, but you buy lunch everyday and refuse to wake up early enough to pack. You tell me how to live my life and critique my decision making, but you’ve been making bad decisions for twice as long as I have been on earth. Do your job and I’ll do mine; professionally, mentally, emotionally, financially. I have enough to work on over here.
I can’t find into my clothes anymore…but I don’t have money for a gym membership, healthier food…or new clothes. My pants hurt right now. No joke.
My ovaries hurt right now. Along with my back and my head.
If I hear anyone else says “Well, it’s hard for everybody right now,” or “You’ll make it through,” or my FAVORITE, “It could be worse,” I am going to rip their jaw off their face and make their own mouth eat out their assholes. I understand, you are trying to give me some sort of perspective and remind me I am taking so many little things for granted, right? Seriously, if you think I haven’t tried to compartmentalize and rationalize through and disconnect from what we have been through in every way possible in the last six months, you are a robot, or a Stepford wife, or a flippin’ alien. I haven’t blogged about all the ups and downs over the last few months because some are too raw to share; the people who needed to know were informed and the people that could help were there.
I hate lying, dishonesty, leaving out facts and avoiding topics because there is some pansy in the mix who can’t handle the truth. In every situation ever in the history of situations, I would have much preferred the truth at the beginning than hearing the lie…then the truth coming out and being angry about both.
I hate mechanics that charge way too much.
I hate not having the money to get the things I want to give for Christmas.
I hate people who think they are better than me because they are one fraction of one taint hair ahead of me in one aspect of life. You make a little more than me and don’t have credit cards? Really? Well, I don’t rub it in anyone’s face. Ash – 1, your sorry ass – ZERO.
Honestly, I could go on for the next 2 days here, so I am stopping now. I don’t want to ride the negative train all week, but I had to get some stuff off my chest and leave it at the station. Everyone is entitled, among several other posts of optimism and earned wisdom, to rant for a day….so that was this.
Suck it.
At least for the rest of the day.
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