My psych pulled out strength cards at one of our previous sessions, and asked me to arrange them in piles of “definitely have” “sometimes have” “would like to have”.
Then out of the definitely have, to select the five that most relevant that apply to me. I chose myself:
* Independent
* Assertive
* Caring
* Supportive
* Open
Fairly inane strengths, but I was feeling particularly pessimistic at the time, and was lucky to put anything in any pile except “would like to have”.
We discussed how important independence is, but how sometimes it may be to our detriment. I wasn’t quite sure what the hell she meant when she said that – but one little thing she said about emotional independence in my relationship, rang bells.
I do not often ask for help. Sure, help with the dishes, can you get that heavy item off the top shelf. Anything else, I am a little too independent, stubborn almost, I’d like to do it all myself, for many many reasons. I was brought up tough. Dad made me do a lot of really tomboyish things that I complained about at the time, arduous, laborious tasks that shat me to no end. Both my parents liked to load up a million chores on me too, again, I whinged and whined but I did them. Now that I have my own place, the habits stick. Living with someone who has been brought up … slightly differently… means I become taskmaster and arse-kicker. Like my parents. Anyway, I’m going on a tangent.
Just as with all these physical tasks, my parents also (without a word being exchanged between any of us about this topic) prided themselves on emotional independence. Dad’s dad died when he was in his early 20s, I’ve never heard him speak of him once. Mum gets angry and emotional when someone isn’t doing anything right, or not behaving the right way, but in terms of asking for any sort of emotional help, well… we all deal with it ourselves. Don’t talk about it.
And yes, I suppose I fall into those lines. I like to share my burden whether it be online or through my journal, or a bitch or two to my friends, but should they ever share their opinions, it’s a personal attack. It’s criticism, it’s “You’re wrong, I’m right”. I know it’s not always logical, but I’m scared of being stung twice. I can’t listen to their advice, not one bit of it, for fear of being dependent, for fear of not being able to handle these things on my own. And of being a burden.
I’m learning to ask for help when I need it. And I need it now. Today’s previous post alluded to this stuckness that I’m feeling – I’m unemployed, I’m a (in my opinion) relatively inexperienced social worker. I’ve applied for so many jobs it’s making me sick looking at job descriptions and writing responses to key selection criteria. Literally, I was actually getting flu-ey last week!
So here’s what I’ve tried. Here’s what I’ve also been doing for the past 3 months.
* job searching daily
* applying only for jobs relevant to my interests and experience (I tried to apply for jobs outside of this and everything came back saying I didn’t display enough experience)
* researching companies I’ve been granted interviews for
* attempting to understand target populations by researching
* signed up to recruitment agencies – one for social work, one for admin/secretarial (the latter being initially as a stop-gap, now it’s become a back-up)
* going to library and reading up on techniques that I use (having used them but not really having time for self-reflection in my previous job, means I needed to theoretically ‘reskill’ myself)
* reading everything imaginable about how to answer job interview questions, best CV formats, presentation, etc.
* taking vitamins and gingko biloba for better brain activity
* reading social work blogs
* keeping my sense of humour (at least trying to!)
* attending professional development and seminars in interest areas (lack of money and the start of holidays means this is starting to not be as possible anymore)
So. Here I am ASKING FOR YOUR HELP.
What else should I be doing? What else can I be doing to increase my likelihood of being hired? What helped for you?
Any advice would be so gratefully appreciated.
PS > I do intend on doing volunteer work in the New Year should I not receive any positive news to any jobs I’ve currently applied for.
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