I’ve been in a lot of debt, struggling with how to function as that driven independent filmmaker and trying to not make going to the bar proportionately like taking a trip to France(in relation to the financial strain put on the persons doing so). Within in the last 3 days, however, I’ve been embarking on a trek toward the purchase of a used motorcycle. This also includes learning how to actually ride one.
Wait-I have a legitimate justification.
In my movies, the stories I hope to tell will relate to life, the world, personal interactions and human beings. In a financial struggle, it’s hard to get anywhere, do anything and it progressively becomes a very closed off lifestyle devoted to moving forward toward whatever goal you’ve set aside for yourself. I’ve lived this lifestyle of striving and starving for 2 years now. I know that’s not long, but it feels long when you’re making no money and hoping to just get enough for rent each month. It takes its toll.
How does this relate to motorcycles? I’m getting there.
I moved to NY about a year ago and have made very few friends or social acquaintances(though I love the ones I’ve made!). This is primarily because I spend so much time alone at home working toward the idea of the filmmaker. But, progressively, as I’ve been working toward being a filmmaker, I’ve lost track of living a life. This is a real and legitimate concern of existence. What stories do I have to tell when I’m not living my own? I go out to bars by myself and sit, I talk to people, I enjoy that. I like sitting in the low light, drinking one or two drinks, soaking that in, talking to the bartender and going home. I actually really like that. After some time now, though, it has lost some of its charm. I want to go to further places, experience the feeling of new, different and beautiful places, meet more people and, along the way, build stories about real people, real places and real experiences.
Here it comes,
I’ve loved motorcycles since I was a small child. When I was in elementary school, my after school teacher was allowed to drive me a few feet forward in his parking space on his Harley Davidson. I had a long sleeved Harley Davidson t-shirt with flames up the side of the arms—this is fairly geeky, especially for an awkward little girl with messy hair, jeans that end a few inches above the ankles and huge feet, but this is how it happened. And I used to find the large, hairy Harley men attractive, but really it was the Harley I was after–in that off sort of way, misplaced affection. Now, I ride on the backs of friends’ motorcycles…
But, you see, that is going to change.
I love motorcycle culture. Bars with 20 bikes parked in a row out front and all the folks entering the bar with their big jackets and a helmet in hand. And strange people are attracted to vehicles with two wheels, especially cruiser bikes. These characters line up together, chatting, laughing and erupting in unpredictable behavior. Sometimes they don’t have homes because they live for riding on the road. They go riding down the road, in their leather pants and their soup bowl helmets. It’s a culture I have a deep affection for.
Now,
I don’t need to drop everything and commit to a different lifestyle. I want to make movies. I love filmmaking. I love tinkering with the image on the computer screen and click clicking the mouse for 12 hours until the shots line up properly. I love the hectic dis-organization and the constant communication that’s required to get even a 30sec project off the ground. I like the challenge of ‘how the Hell are we going to make this happen?’ And I like to watch movies, I like to see things that surprise me and inspire creative thought. I enjoy the cathartic experience, really feeling for that character, or learning from that story. But, I don’t want that to be all I have. It shouldn’t be. There’s a world of activity out there. There are so many cathartic, inspiring, unpredictable experiences to be had, and there are so many people to join in having them.
I can afford a motorcycle if I hustle, and I can visit my friends and family out of state. I can see my parents more often and I can explore beyond the confines of my walking or peddling legs. Mostly, I can enjoy myself; something I haven’t been in pursuit of for some time now, so committed to the GOAL of MY FUTURE was I, that my present was just slipping and sliding away.
I have a community with motorcyclists, and I have a solitude. I already have folks I can joyride with and go on trips with, I’ve learned of rallies that hundreds of people attend. Simultaneously, I have freedom and commitment; the commitment required to raise funds and pursue this as a reality, and the freedom to get away and experience life, when the motorcycle retrieval is enacted. Most importantly, it will make me that much happier, and happiness brings me up from the lethargic swallowing sadness that moves in sometimes and grips me hard, tying me to the couch and leaving me to stare lazy eyed at a blank wall.
Do you see how a motorcycle is going to make my movies? Because I think it will.
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